not perfect

‘not perfect’

What is perfect mean in this perfect world?

I questioned myself what is perfect mean in this perfect world.

Is it a place of immortality or a person without any flaws

But how can you be perfect when they want to trap you in their demon’s claws

Everybody expects perfect you in this perfect world

But here I define, perfect is a freedom of who you are and who you become.

 

“I know I am not perfect and I do mistakes and shit, life is a rollercoaster and sometimes you go up and sometimes down to hell. But it is okay, as long as you breath, you can keep trying, you can keep living and you can keep being you and free in this perfect world”

 

I kept asking myself why I am not perfect in this perfect world

Sometimes I kill myself, sometimes I break my bones

Sometimes I put fake smiles, sometimes I act as a clone

I took hundreds of pills to lose my weight,

I spend thousands on makeup to cover my face

I was just looking perfection in me, maybe I am not perfect at all

Maybe I ll never be a perfect son, a perfect friend and a perfect man

But I love you with this imperfect heart and imperfect self

 

If I am without the flaws and mistakes, and perfect me

pleasing everybody and trying to be someone that’s not surely me

What kind of person I ll be but that perfectly perfect me is someone I don’t wanna see

I am happy young and wild, accepting everything that’s happening to me

In this perfect world, I can be anything, I am perfectly free

I know I am not a perfect man

I wasn’t perfect to you but you know you are perfect to me

But some doesn’t understand and can’t accept imperfect you

I can’t change people but I can bring changes in me

 

I guess accepting my imperfection is a perfect me

I guess facing all my insecurities and flaws is a perfect me

I guess not trying to be perfect is a perfect me

But this world expects more when you give them more

This world is cruel, they want to break you more

They don’t judge by who you are but who you were before

Hate this word ‘perfect’, what it is called

 

But if you are happy with your life, that’s all matter

Just learn not to give a fuck what people says

And I hope you ll never caught up in their fucked up games whatever they plays

Coz I went through so many shits in my life

I did so many mistakes I wish I had a second chance

People judged me and dragged me down so many fucking times

But fuck it, you do mistakes and you learn and you grow

But never do same mistake twice, never just go with the flow

I wish I can say that to my younger self but I am perfectly fine now.

 

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LET ME!!

‘Let me!!’

Let me drive, Let me control the steering of the wheel

Let me press the break, Let me stop

Let me change the gear, Let me feel real

This thing s0 called life, Let me handle

Let me feel free, Let me burn my own candle

Let me be selfish once, Let me put myself first

Let me love people, oh! Let me love myself first

wish you the best :) :)

wish you the best :):)

What if I say, you the last person I’ll ever fall in love with

Will you be happy to hear that?

Maybe it’s neither you nor me

Maybe we never meant to be

But girl, let me confess right here right now

You the last person I want to hate and the first one when I think of love

Not a single day passed by without thinking of you my love

I miss your smile, your hair, your soul and your curve

The way you talk and your voice, the way you joke and your laugh

I miss everything that belongs to you

Including me, coz once I was belong to you

When I drink my morning coffee, I think of you

I think of our last days, days you decided to froze your heart

Days you were unhappy and sad, days you were hurt

But also days you became selfish and cold

When you stopped looking into my heart

Days you stop giving a fuck when I was hurt

I wonder how you overcome it or how you made it easy to let go

I wonder if I am easy to be forgotten and easy to let go

But girl am happy for you, for the route you chose

I hope you are happy, happy and have nothing to lose

Girl, I ll never deny the fact that you the ‘the one’ girl I have met

The girl I was looking for, with the girl I wanted my perfect world to be create

If I write about you, this words will be endless

Except for the word, ‘I love you always’

I guess I have nothing to say

For the girl I love, I want you to be happy and well

And I will always wish you the best, maybe from the very very faraway!!

I Hate You(Smoking Kills)

I Hate You(Smoking Kills)

 

I hate you, I hate you but I need you you know coz I can’t live without you

I know your true intention but I can’t ignore you, you know

everyday I think about you. Day and night I keep you on my side

Coz you know, I can’t sleep without you

 

Coz of you I am ruining my life

Everyday I stay with you and I know you wasting my time

But I need you even though I hate you

Coz without you I don’t see any meaning in my life

But thank you, coz of you I made so many friends on my side

 

But they don’t like me, they just come expecting that I will share you

Coz they like you more than they hate me

But you no worry, I will never share you

Man! I can’t leave you, you know I am addicted to you

 

If you walk on the street, you will hear everyone talking about you

People says this and that and everybody hates you

Outside they curse you and says you are toxic to everyone

But inside they wish they have you

Coz you know you are just the one, everybody wants you

 

After you came in my life, I am not me anymore

You take me to the places where I have never been before

But I like the way you fuck my mind, I don’t feel anything anymore

I see divine and my world full of smiley devils when I am around you

you know I never liked you but hate the fact that I need you

Coz you know my life is nothing without you

 

I take you as you healing me outside but you know you slowly killing me inside

But I don’t care, like the way you love to fuck my mind

I like to fuck you and suck you and put my problems aside

Coz in my dark days, you just came in front of me as a light to fight

And thank you for helping me to leave my past behind

I ll never able to repay you

 

It’s just me sitting on the grass thinking about you

So many controversial subject, my heart and my mind just talking about you

Saying keeping you on my side is a crime

But fuck what they said…you are irreplaceable part of mine

Even my doctor said,

“SMOKING KILLS’’ but I will never leave you behind

for her

for her

He has his heart for her

Every breath he takes

He takes for her

He has a small world

Where he lives for her

If you wonder how much he loves her

You can look in his eyes

And I am sure for that

You will able to see her

He keeps grinding and working hard

Polishing his life and giving all he has

Whatever he does, he does for her

His daily input to build his future

He builds for her

Everyday when he wakes up

He hopes and believes in her

He is determined and dedicated

Even he don’t know when she will be back

But he dreams for her

He lives everyday and wait

And he never stop

Never gives up to wait his illusional girl

EVIL DESIRE

EVIL DESIRE

Fav I desire In a cloudy weather

As I can act conspicuously inconspicuous

I can literally shed the tears

when the beautiful fog is plastered in my vision

Grinning cheerfully in the wimpy weather

As my soul alter in a darker version

Like it manifested in a malevolent nature

And I can play with a violin tune

seems the string is anxiously tired

It taste bitter and nutty, slightly dull

Like my heart drowning in a black hole

I can’t crawl above or at the bank sides

Like the humankind disbanded me from their kinds

And they ditched me on the ground and buried under the soil

As I am repugnant being they created

As I am ordeal thing they erringly constructed

Their joy on damaging my existence

Scattering my flesh to see a vulture stuffed

Sipping my blood on their senseless victory

Makes me animosity toward their kinds

Wish I can be nightmares of their child

Be the menace they afraid of

Crunch their bones and poison their food

This war of hatred which I want to conclude

By Vaporizing their existence from this nature

Looking back at my adversity I overcome

placing my foot on their chest and

decorating my head with king’s crown

Licking the profound feeling of my guts

Shouting to this dead souls

That  I am The God of this new world.

My wife

Morning coffee she makes

It boost my adrenaline for a whole day

My wife so charismatic

I am her one die hard fan

My life, my other half

She perfected my empty side

Her touch, her love, her kiss

It’s the source of my healthy life

She loves me to the core

I am infected and she comes as a cure

She is good at loving me

She loves me hard

She is good at detecting

She always caught me off guard

And I love getting punished

Cause she is good at that

Sometimes in our bed and sometimes in the backyard

Just full of surprise, surprise makes us crazy

Our love so beautiful, never run into hazy

Glad, I married this beautiful woman

My marriage life so adventures

We played hide and seek in museum and we kissed

We went to thrilling place and had fun

Funny part; We kissed in the rollercoaster

Even we know we are,

We the perfect couple

Couple everyone talks about!!

aftermath!!

Aftermath of this cocktail, it’s taking me to the different places. One minute ago, I was in a couch, sipping alcohol like my throat is dried out because of thirstiness. I poured Jack Daniel’s and Vodka in my glass and start drinking like it is my morning coffee. One after another, even before I realised, I finished the 6th one. And my head start feeling heavy for a moment and it start slowing down. I felt like I am in a roller coaster and running in the speed of light. This universe, this world and everything around me, I felt everything is running so fast. Yet my thoughts were running in a slow pace. After a couple of round in roller coaster, my heart start pounding so loudly, and it felt like I am carrying an ice cold stone in my heart. It was heavy. I wanted to forget but I failed even after I emptied countless of Jack Daniel’s and Vodka.